The Breakup

Introduction
If you read a few posts down there is some stuff about my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend. This is my “public diary” and when I broke up with the last lady I wrote the story here. I would write a lot to this lady when we were together and I know that she reads this blog too. So it feels right that this is half a blog post to all of you and half of one to her. No matter, I will write all the same things (with only one exception) whether she is reading or not.

First, I told her in the past that her name and pictures will not appear on this blog. That remains true now.

Story
I got together with her since I figured to not at least give it a shot with someone you like and someone who likes you and I would make me regret not at least giving it a try. Now I also knew she had a trip planned to see an ex-boyfriend in the US about a month after we first got together. Looking back, that was very dumb for me to accept the trip, but I did. The week before she left I was torn up inside and felt bi-polar. My heart and head were both simultaneously saying run then saying stay. I emailed a lot of you since I needed someone to talk with and bounce things off of. Thank you for the replies.

After she was there for less than 24 hours I knew what her decision was—I just had to wait for it (and the waiting sucked the most since all you can do is react). At the same time, I told myself and others that if she did come back to me then I would break up with her. So I was prepared for her MSN message. She said I am a good guy and she is sorry, but that her heart is with the other guy. I cannot argue with that. If her heart is not with me we should not be together. Now a loss like that is never fun, but I was somewhat prepared and I have been in a thoughtful mood—nevertheless it still sucks. But at least now I will be normal and happy instead of having this weight on my shoulders like the last week.

Some Things
I don’t consider this time with her a loss or a waste. Not at all. I spent time with a person who I cared about. Honestly, I was very happy when I was with her. On top of that, I learned some things about myself and for future relationships. That is by no means a waste. Still the last week has not been fun with the nearly constant worrying. The thing is that I gave it a shot, and that was all I wanted--a shot. Sure it didn’t turn out, but at least now I know for sure and wont have to ask “What if we had tried to be together?”

I have to think what will replace that time I spent with her? Well: work, beer, the friends I didn’t see so I could see her, and my new volunteer position with the ND club.

If you asked me yesterday when I was waiting for her reply if I could still be friends the answer would have been no. However, that is not true. We can still be friends and hers is a friendship I would value. Do I still love her—no, the die has been cast. Yet, I still do care for her and want to see her do well—the same as my other friends—so coffee and a movie is no problem.

What I Learned
Ironically, I told her this about her friend before she left, “Never make someone a priority if they only make you an option.” The truth is that I was an option, even though I did not want to admit it and I still made her my priority. Hopefully, I have learned my lesson. I try to treat my friends and girlfriends very well and I expect that they will respect me, trust me, and reciprocate my behavior. Next time, I need to be more demanding about the return.

Still, today I hold my head high. I acted with class and aplomb, I was open, I think I did the right things in the face of an unenviable situation, and took the loss in stride.

My View
At the same time, it does suck. I really did want things to work out and instead I lost out to the “other” guy. Now those of you who I have contacted know I do not have a high opinion of him at all—I was and am very harsh in my words toward him (I did not tell her my full opinion of him). I am fine to tell people in the private forum of email or if they call (if you really do want to know then email me). But this is a public forum and my views on him will not aired here since some lines of decorum are better not crossed.

It may suck, but it does not damage my confidence. True, it is hard to lose to someone I hold in low esteem. But I still know I am a good choice. Yes, that is bragging, but it is true. I have a high opinion of myself and I expect people I am with to carry themselves well and treat me very well (I will always try to do the same for them). I am a catch. Or as my friend said, “She lost the best.”

So…
I know I just insinuated not so nice things about the other guy. Yet, I do hope they do well together and are able to make things work in the coming months. As I told my ex before she left, if she chooses with her heart and chooses the best situation for her I would fully support it. If she believes it is the best for her, then of course I am ok with it. I also asked her to tell this guy that she is a great girl who deserves to be treated well and treated with respect—since she will treat him well.

Final Thoughts
This was something I thought of a lot this week since I have tried to incorporate into my life (it is good regardless of if you are religious or not):

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference." --- St. Francis of Assisi

I also learned that I need to trust my head. It told me exactly what was going on 100% of the time. Use my heart to guide me but trust my head to make deicsions. In addition, I definately need to be more demanding (within reason) to my next lady.

I especially want to thank my friends who listened and dispensed their advice—I am very lucky to have you guys around and I appreciate your feedback immensely.

Of course, this is not the ideal end I had in mind when we started dating. But I truly believe this is for the best for all the parties involved. I can also say that I will not meddle in their relationship. I didn't like people meddling with this relationship so I will not meddle with other's relationships.

To sum things up, this romance was like a shooting star. It was fast, fun, beautiful, and bright. But in the end it wasn’t meant to keep going on, and that is fine since it was a fun ride.

The song that reminds me of this last month with her is “Love and Memories” by O.A.R. It is about a fast romance that burned out—but the point of the song is that is was a good experience.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=likFPgF72A4

Lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/oarofarevolution/loveandmemories.html